1. Gourmet chef: Coolio recently launched his own weekly web-based cookery programme, Cooking with Coolio. Wrap star. Spa-ghetto Bolognese…
2. Airline pilot: Iron Maiden frontman, Bruce Dickinson now pilots a Boeing 757 for charter airline Astraeus. Terrifying.
3. Model railway salesman: Godfather of Grunge Neil Young takes his love of toy trains so seriously that he owns a 20 per cent stake in model railway manufacturers, Lionel LLC. Fellow enthusiasts include Rod Stewart, Phil Collins, and Bruce Springsteen.
4. Cheese farmer: Alex James spent an estimated £1million on Champagne and cocaine during his time as bassist for Blur, but he has now escaped to the countryside to work as a full-time farmer of award-winning goat’s cheese.
5. Missionary: the ex-Korn guitarist, Brian “Head” Welch who was a drug addict and general rock monster was last seen building an orphanage in India.
6. Astronaut: ‘N Sync man Lance Bass came within a hair’s bredth of going to space in 2002. After months of rigorous training, his expedition was sadly cancelled.
7. Trout fisherman: After 13 years of alternative Scottish rock, former AC Acoustics singer Paul Campion randomly presented a fishing series called Trout’n’About.
8. Children’s writer: Madonna, the scantily clad Queen of Pop has written a series of five fluffy children’s novels.
9. MP: the quiet one in Blur, Dave Rowntree, was selected as a candidate for the Labour Party in February, and will stand in the next General Election.
10. Football manager: since claiming to quit music for good, Robbie Williams now runs his own Los Angeles Premier League football team, LA Vale, in his back garden.

A prisoner is seriously assaulted every 45 minutes in Britain.
- The Independent, 3 March

An Austrian ‘wellness’ hotel has started charging overweight guests more for their stay. Skinny visitors to Bioferienhotel Mandler’s Landhaus in the Alpes, can look forward to bargain deals, while tubby guests must pay higher rates. The hotel describes itself as an ‘oasis for health-conscious and nature loving people,’ and hopes to encourage fitness and healthy eating in its visitors.
- The Times, 3 March

Scientists at Aberdeen University have found a new use for whiskey – clearing pollution and decontaminating water.
- The Times, 5 March

Britons eat about 10 million eggs a year – 27m a day

A man survived for 25 years on an all-biscuit diet. ‘When I was 18 months I stopped eating’, says Andrew Foster, 27. ‘I used to get through two packets a day.’ Andrew is a chef.

A digital children’s book retelling the tale of the three little pigs failed to win an educational award, because it was thought that the subject might offend Muslims.
- The Week, 26th January

46% of the clothes in Britain’s wardrobes go unworn. An estimated 2.4bn items were not worn once last year.
- The Guardian, 28th January

The location of your pizza is updated every 15 seconds on Papa John’s online TrackMyPizza feature.
- The New Scientist, 9th February

Body lotions can house deadly microbes to those with weakened immune systems. Hospital patients have been told to avoid moisturising, after five people almost died from a bug.
- The Sun, 31st January

A playground for the elderly has opened in Manchester. ‘It’s supposed to strengthen the hips’, a local patron said.
- The Times, 31st January

Italian art schools in chaos after a nude model strike. Protesters at Rome’s Sapienza University are demanding professional recognition. ‘It’s a tough, cold job and they do not show us much consideration. Once, a group of 30 Japanese tourists turned up and started taking photographs’, one of the models complained.
- The Week, 26th January

Zimbabwe has issued the world’s largest banknote – for Z$10m.
- The Week, 26th January

Cooked chicken you can purchase in Somerfield comes with the instruction, ‘shake well before use’.
- New Scientist, 19th January

‘War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.’ - Ambrose Bierce
- The Week, 26th January

Weekend skies are now officially clearer, thanks to pollution’s effect on weekday weather. NASA scientists have found that increased air pollution from vehicles and factories on weekdays seed summer clouds, which create more rain than at weekends.
- New Scientist, 9th February

In India, at least 250 million people smoke or chew tobacco, and 2,200 die daily from tobacco-related diseases.
- The Times, 29th January

Henchgoon: noun, administrative assistant
Non-bugnuttery: noun, sanity
Anti-Fonzie: noun, not cool.
Nanoblahblah: noun, nano-technoblabble. Very, very, tiny nonsense.
Celebufreak: noun, a freak with fame.

Unrihtwillnung: improper love – Old English
Istamaasdu: Listen, you in the plural! – Hittite, Turkey
Ebauthoo: Water – Beothuk, Newfoundland
Kälymentwam: path of heaven – Tocharian, Central Asia
Tehonannonronkwanniontak: they greeted him with respect, (literally, they greased his scalp many times) – Huron, Ontario
Molatuendalaas: God’s curse in your stomach – Cornish
Xuqu’liilx’aax’ch’kk’sh: Are you going to keep tickling me in the face in the same spot repeatedly? – Eyak, Alaska.

Dec 27th 2007: Kenya’s elections
Dec 30th 2007: Riots of Mwai Kibaki’s disputed presidential victory.
Jan 1st 2008: Thirty Kikuyus killed in church fire.
Jan 4th 2008: The UN says that the rest has uprooted 250,000 people.
Jan 7th 2008: John Kufour, the African Union chairman and president of Ghana, arrives for fruitless mediation.
Jan 17th 2008: Police fire teargas and bullets on banned opposition rallies.
Jan 24th 2008: Former UN secretary general Kofi Annan brokers meeting between Kibaki and Odinga.
Jan 28th 2008: At least 64 killed in four days of fighting.
Feb 1st 2008: UN secretary general Ban Ki-Moon arrives in Nairobi.

North Korea: Human rights were summed up as ‘abysmal’
Burma: A ‘deplorable’ record, with a ‘denial of basic freedoms’
Zimbabwe: ‘Torture in police custody is common’.
China: The government ‘continues to deny or restrict its citizens fundamental rights’.
Afghanistan: More than six years after the US invasion, life of the average inhabitant ‘remains short, miserable, and brutal.’