Vietnam’s hamster hate

The Times, 8 March
Vietnam has begun a crackdown on hamsters, a wildly popular pet in the lunar Year of the Rat, fearing that an influx of the foreign-bred rodent could spread disease and destroy crops. As of Monday 10 March, anyone possessing or trading hamsters faces stiff fines of up to 30 million dong, around […]

Grandpa groom dies at 96, a mere 4 months into marital bliss

The Daily Mail, 12 March
Bill Rodger, 96, was the oldest groom in Britain when he married his long-term partner Liz Stewart in November last year. He died on March 7, just four months into wedded life. The couple had been in a relationship for 11 years, and Rodger referred to his wife as his ‘twilight […]

Methodist retirement home or Nazi symbol?

The Scotsman, 15 March
From the ground, Wesley Aches retirement home in Alabama looks like any other building. However, from the air, the outline of the building is undeniably clear: it is, simply put, one big swastika.
After numerous complaints, the agency which owns the building now plans to undergo extensive renovations in an attempt to disguise […]

A cheap date? £20, 000 for 20 minute with Scarlet Johansson

The Scotsman, 15 March
Oxfam organised an auction on the website eBay, offering a 20-minute date with the world-famous actress. The UK-based bidder who won the prize, paying £20,000, will be Johansson’s special guest at the world premiere of her next film in July. He will be ferried to the event in a chauffeured limousine, joining […]

Indulgence this Easter costs a measly £550

The Daily Mail, 12 March
Harvey Nichols Food Market, Edinburgh, was home to Scotland’s most expensive Easter Egg – at a cost of £550. The ultimate chocolate treat weighed in at 14lbs and measured 2ft 6ins tall. Nationwide there are five of these eggs on offer, each created by Paris confectioners Maison du Chocolat. A representative […]

Balloons banned in bid to save turtles

The Telegraph, 8 March
A council has banned helium balloons in case they kill wildlife, in particular turtles. Portsmouth City Council have indulged green campaigners fears that burst balloons can seriously effect turtle, dolphin, and sea bird populations. The latex material can block animals’ guts when swallowed, or the animals can get tangled up in strings […]

Stephen Hawking: A Brief Series on Time

The Independent, 3 March
Stephen Hawking is to set to add to his CV of cameo appearances in the world of animated television. By day a Cambridge professor, Hawking has ‘played’ himself in The Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy.
Now, the Discovery Channel is said to be negotiating with Hawking over a series about his theories on […]

Iain Banks: limiting the LSD

Bestselling Scottish author Iain Banks has decided to end years of experimentation with illegal drugs, contending that the work he produced under the influence of LSD, cocaine, and marijuana was ‘rubbish’. Famous for ‘The Wasp Factory’ and ‘The Crow Road’, Iain Banks is known for excessive drinking and prevalent drug use. He excuses his behaviour […]

Jet pilot gets frisky with his stewardess

The Sun, 1st February

A grinning airline pilot gropes a buxom stewardess’ breast as she performs a strip tease for him in the cockpit, and it was all caught on camera. The pilot was filmed whooping for joy as the stewardess unbuttoned her uniform.
Then he took his hands off his joystick to help unhook her top […]

Fat man jailed for squashing his wife

The Scotsman,2nd February
A man in Germany was jailed for five years yesterday after he sat on his wife during a domestic dispute and squashed her so badly that she later died.
The 20-stone man ‘sat on his wife’s chest for at least two minutes and broke her ribs in 18 places’, said a spokesman at the […]